the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
