No awkward lesbian experiences without me
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
