I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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