i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i dont even know how to be here
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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