If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
