I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
