it was like his penis was on wheels.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
