Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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