I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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