i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
