how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
