it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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