I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
