sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
