So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
