ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
