No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Yo dont text me then not text me
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
