sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
