Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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