I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I want her autograph on my taint
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
