Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Randomize
