my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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