Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
