she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
