with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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