I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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