just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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