I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
