The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
In America we eat man semen.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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