I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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