i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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