I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
