would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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