Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
