i permit you to call me
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The struggles of a small town man whore
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
