my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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