just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
