your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
