Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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