It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
