so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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