I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
