I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Ladies don't puke and tell
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
