Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
