grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
