Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
