I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
