So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
