Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
