you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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