plz talk dirty to me
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
