remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
