dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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